Recently I taught on Manipulation.
It's a huge problem amongst the abandoned kids I work
with. The biggest challenge with kids
that have been abandoned is that they believe they are unwanted and
unloved. Unfortunately, sometimes this
is true. What is not true, however, is
that they are the cause of this problem and that they themselves are no good or unlovable.
But they believe it, and so they also believe that the only
way to protect themselves in this world is to depend only on themselves and
take whatever they need. If they need
attention or love, they try to force it out of you (because no one would actually offer it freely to someone who is undesirable and unlovable).
I used an example of someone starving. So they take a gun and rob a store for
food. Their need for food is real. But, it was a terrible (but effective) way to
meet their needs. That's what these kids
are doing to the people that are trying to help them. They are robbing them to get what they need. My training touched on points for how we can
help meet these needs before the kids resort to stealing it from us. But we have to realize what the needs are in
order to meet them.
We also have to meet their needs faster than they can steal
it from us - which is hard to do. And
then it's a process to make them believe we are sincere and don't have ulterior
motives in these acts. Trust.
Building trust is the most difficult part of my work
here. Not dealing with the trauma, or
all the other issues involved. Because
without trust, nothing I can offer is of value to them.
