Worst Blogger Ever!!!

I'm shocked that it has been 8 months since my last blog.  I knew I was bad - but the depth of my ineptitude has shocked me.  You guys are probably not as surprised as I am.

I've had so much going on in these last 8 months.  Too much for one post.  So, sometime (soon, hopefully)  I will do a blog about those months, but for now, I just need to catch you up on my major changes.  Like for instance, I am no longer in El Salvador.

I moved back to California last month.  I need to finish up the process to receive my California license for Marriage and Family Therapy.  California requires that I do 3,000 hours of therapy before I can take the test for my license.  I am almost finished, but there is no guarantee that they will accept all of the hours of therapy I did while in El Salvador (there's a chance - which gets a lot bigger when I think of miracles happening on my behalf).

It is my hope to return to El Salvador when I receive my license and continue there.

Leaving was very hard.  I had to say goodbye to a lot of great friends, leave the many jobs I was working (Children's home, School, Individual clients, special seminars I developed), I left my apartment, gave many things away, and had planned to sell my car - but that did not work out.

So, my car is still waiting for me there, with a good friend storing it at her house, along with a few other items ( a lot of books and materials) that I left behind.  It was scary not selling my car because I did not have money to buy a car in California without selling it.

But it's been amazing to see how God has blessed me and provided miracles for me as I returned.

A week after I got home, my parents decided to see what the cost would be to add me to their phone plan.  Turned out, they could upgrade their plan, add me and save $5 a month.  And then I received an old iphone from a family member and have the fanciest phone I've ever had for free :)

Two weeks after I got home, my parents called me to tell me my sister bought a car - and so I could use their extra car that she had been using.  We called to get a quote for their insurance since it is registered to them - and it would only cost me $395 a year!!!!  I was thrilled.  Then, a few days later when we went through the process to officially add me on to their plan, my mom shared details about me and my work in El Salvador to see what discounts I qualified for - and because I have my masters I qualified for some special program that is now saving my parents $18.70 for the year!  AMAZING

Those are the big ones.  Lots of small stories too.

So, I have been blessed, but it has also been hard returning.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed in public places with how tall and big people are and am a bit mesmerized by the diversity.  Things that I did not expect to have culture shock over.

Well - It's time for me to keep working on my job search - but hopefully in the next week I will start catching up on what I did my last few months in El Salvador.

Trauma Seminar

Yesterday I finished the training for the mediators in the country.  It was a great experience.  I taught for 2 days - probably 70 or 80 people.  They mediate all the non-violent conflict in the country. 

I taught about trauma.  I explained about how traumatic events are processed differently in the brain, and it's symptoms and treatments.  Most importantly, I taught about secondary traumatic stress, and how people in helping professions that assist others who have experienced traumas can end up with traumatic symptoms.  We talked about how their jobs effect their personal lives, and how their personal traumatic history can effect their ability to do their job well.  I gave them some practical skills for them to better manage their own emotions, know how to get help with their traumas and ideas to help clients that need to be calmed down in their office.

It was exhausting, but good.  I am hopeful that I was able to make a positive impact on those that play such an important role in resolving conflict in the country.  I found out afterwards that this is the only training that they will receive all year.  I was grateful I didn't know that beforehand - I didn't need that extra pressure when preparing!!!!

New Adventures!

Next month the House Parents for the childrens home move to our new property!!!  The kids will move in November.  There is a lot that has to happen between now and then. Our new property, which we call, "La Finca" (the farm), is about 25 minutes outside of the city.  It is almost 30 acres. It's beautiful - and my new office space has a beautiful lake view.
Here's a picture of the beginning of construction 3 months ago, and a picture from last week:

As you can imagine, things have been a bit crazy!  So much to do.  I lot of my work has been working to prepare the staff for how things will be different when we live on La Finca.  All the effort put in to this move was not done to just transfer the same program that we've had, but rather to change an enhance what we have.  So I've spent a lot of time processing through HOW they will live in a different manner and all the issues that they will deal with (including that the House Parent's biological kids will now be living with them and be part of their ministries).

I'm also still helping out at the elementary school that my church has.  I enjoyed my summer vacation (even if it was only 1 day a week), but it is fun to work with the kids again.

I also finished my first rounds of training for caregivers in childrens homes around the city.  The feedback was very positive, but I certainly learned a lot on what I will improve on for next time.  It is rewarding to teach to people so appreciative and excited to learn what is offered.

Next week I will do a training for the mediators and lawyers whose job it is to resolve conflict in the country.  I will teach them about trauma and how their own personal traumas inhibit their work, how their clients are effected by trauma, and some practical skills that they can take with them to calm their clients down in stressful situations. It's amazing to be able to impact the people that work to resolve conflict in this country. I'm excited and a bit intimidated.

Dreaming

I've been dreaming lately about a new ministry I'd like to start here.  I think it's a compilation of a lot of things I've been seeing and learning over the last couple of years.

I would like to start a program that works with pregnant women all the way through their child's third birthday, teaching them parenting skills and helping them to allow their child to reach developmental milestones.

Here's the many issues I've learned that have led me to this idea:

Over the last year, I've watched the families that come and visit the kids in the children's home and have seen a disturbing pattern.  One little girl that is 4 is at a level of play and development of a 1 yr old.  I brought her a child's puzzle to do one day, and she kept dumping the pieces out of the box and putting them back in. Dump, put back in.  This is a toddler age activity.

The babies that have come to visit are the most disturbing to me.  There are currently 2 families that come to visit that have babies.  I had a hard time determining, but I don't think that either have physical disabilities - but it was hard to determine because they are both so under stimulated and their behaviors mimic those that have disabilities.  4 months old and can barely hold their head up, don't track people or the activity that is going on. 

And most surprising to me, is that no one else besides me (and the social workers who also work at the children's home) think that this is abnormal!!!  When the 4 month old is passed around to be held by different people, they all automatically hold him like a one week old infant that cannot support himself at all. That this behavior is exactly what they expect!

So, I have been reading about parenting skills and developmental milestones so we can teach these families how to care for their children in a way that helps them.  In all this reading, I am repeatedly finding all the information of what these skills the kids are missing out on is meaning a lacking in brain development in important areas.  And these problems are the problems I see in the older children and adults that we are working with.

Another aspect I've been looking into, is how to break patterns and cycles of problems.  Not just for a family, but how to change this when the problem is for the whole community or society.  Every program I've found to have success, or research in this areas  have a few things in common.  One of the main elements is that they work with 2 generations.  That means, you can't just work with kids, or with parents, but the programs work with the parents and the children together.  They also indicate that it is better if they are younger.  So, young parents with very young children.

Another area I've spent a lot of time learning about is physical changes in the brain with traumas.  This has led me to many different tangents of studying.  I've looked at how these physical changes get passed down generationally, how brain development effects people's responses to stress and ability to cope.  In the most recent book I'm reading, it talks about brain development for these issues.  I have always known how important the first weeks of life are for attachment and such, but this is the first time I have read about it in terms of brain development.  This books stated that these first days, weeks after birth not only is the time for development for this area of the brain, but it determines the entire "structure" for the formation of the brain.

I've been thinking of the analogy of the old custom in Japan to keep girls with tiny feet by confining them to small shoes so they can't grow.  I have this image of boxing in the children's brains so they can't grow.

I want to change that.

We have one boy at the children's home who is mentally retarded.  His uncle comes to visit him on these visitation days.  His uncle has no disability but has more limited capabilities than his nephew.  I watch them play games together and see the uncle struggle week and week to understand how to play UNO or other simple games while this boy surpasses him.  How incredible that "normal" in the poor areas of this country is less developed than someone with a mental handicap.  And I think, how can we ever make a change in this country if people don't have the capacity to learn and change?

I have no idea if this is something that I will ever do.  But I am dreaming. . .

Back to old habits I guess - catching up on 2 and a half months since my last entry!

I'll work backwards :)

Last Friday, I started my first training for caregivers in children's homes around the city.  I think there were 18 or 19 that came.  One of the groups that came has 19 children's homes throughout the country, and I do not know how many different homes workers came from different places - but there were at least 4 different homes that were represented.

I think it went well.  They all seemed pleased.  The training is split into 2 parts - the first is looking at family systems and how patterns of behaviors happen and looking at how to break patterns.  And the second part is looking more at issues that effect the kids - trauma, sexual abuse and abandonment.  You know, the easy stuff!

I left feeling more pressure than I did when I began.  I think it is both good and bad.  A few drove more than an hour each way to come to the training, and some have been working in their home for years and have never received any kind of training before!  I can't imagine how overwhelmed I would feel working with all of these tough issues and never having any sort of guidance.  So, my newfound pressure is good because it makes me want to work harder and provide an even better training - but it also makes me want to dump EVERYTHING I could possibly teach into it.  But that would not be helpful :(

And June was an exciting month because it held my favorite week of the year - Happy Feet!

Happy Feet is a ministry that goes all over the world - well, not ALL over, just the really poor places and gives shoes to kids that don't have shoes - or more likely (at least in Guatemala) have shoes that are falling apart, 2 sizes too small, etc.  The goal is to share God's love in a practical way.  I love it!

And the day after Happy Feet ended, my friend from San Diego, Anna came to visit!!  She was my first visitor here, and it was so nice to be able to share a bit of my world here with her.  She flew into Guatemala, and we did a day of tourism there.  Then we drove to El Salvador and she spent 4 days here, helping out at the children's home where I work and enjoying some of the beauty of the country.  We had a lovely day going up to see the volcano and lunch with a beautiful view.

Welcome back to me!

I had the privilege of traveling to California this month to go to my cousin's wedding.  It was so fun to visit with family and friends. Definitely what I miss most being here in El Salvador. . .well, that and my Mystic Chai Tea.

I had a lovely Welcome back so far.  First, I get home from 13 hours of traveling and find something strange on my couch.  I couldn't figure out what it was, but I was certain the answer wouldn't be pleasant.  After noticing bird poop on the ground all in the living room and dining room, I knew it came from a bird.  Unless the bird had been to a spa for a mud bath, I think it is safe to assume that this particular bird had diarrhea on my couch.  I spent an hour and a half cleaning up the mess it left behind. And I found some small gray feathers which means it was worst case scenario - a nasty pigeon!

And Today I was at the grocery store. When I put my key in to open up the trunk I could feel the key itself twisting. So I stopped and pulled out the key.  The metal had half twisted off in the middle.  I straightened it, and was able to use it on the door and start the car. I drove next door to the hardware store to get a copy made.  I asked if they could do it with it breaking off.  The employee got the key making expert and when he came back with it, he had it in two pieces.  He asked me if I had another one and I explained that this one he just broke is the only one I have for my car that is sitting in the parking lot.  1 hour, 3 keys and a miracle later, I had a key that worked!

And after I got home I found the pigeon in my house again and I chased it out!!!

At least yesterday I got to see this beautiful sunrise to help ease my return to a 3rd world country.

Welcome back, indeed!

A life in extremes!

Well, it has been an interesting couple of months.  I've had both some of the biggest successes in my therapy and also my biggest challenges.  I've lost half of my days off in the last 2 months because so many "emergency" meetings and sessions have had to happen on those days.

So, I was extra happy to go last week to Guatemala for Semana Santa (Holy week - or spring break)!

I played tourist in a beautiful town called Xelaju, in Guatemala closer to the Mexican border.  It was a beautiful city at a very high altitude.  It has volcanos and hotsprings too!

One of the highlights was visiting Laguna Chicabal.  I told my friends it was like the real life Indiana Jones Ride from Disney land, when we rented a ride in the back of an old pick-up truck up this volcano.  No arrows came at us, but we did have to duck from the tree branches that hung low over the road.

Once we got to the top, we climbed down 570 steps down to the lagoon that fills the crater of the volcano.  There were clouds covering the area, and it was beautiful as we walked all the way around the lagoon.  The pictures below were taken when the clouds cleared to reveal more of our surroundings - most of the time we were surrounded by the clouds.

Then we had to walk back up those 570 steps :(

It was a wonderful time to relax and enjoy a break!

Manipulation

Recently I taught on Manipulation.

It's a huge problem amongst the abandoned kids I work with.  The biggest challenge with kids that have been abandoned is that they believe they are unwanted and unloved.  Unfortunately, sometimes this is true.  What is not true, however, is that they are the cause of this problem and that they themselves are no good or unlovable. 

But they believe it, and so they also believe that the only way to protect themselves in this world is to depend only on themselves and take whatever they need.  If they need attention or love, they try to force it out of you (because no one would actually offer it freely to someone who is undesirable and unlovable).

I used an example of someone starving.  So they take a gun and rob a store for food.  Their need for food is real.  But, it was a terrible (but effective) way to meet their needs.  That's what these kids are doing to the people that are trying to help them.  They are robbing them to get what they need.  My training touched on points for how we can help meet these needs before the kids resort to stealing it from us.  But we have to realize what the needs are in order to meet them.

We also have to meet their needs faster than they can steal it from us - which is hard to do.  And then it's a process to make them believe we are sincere and don't have ulterior motives in these acts. Trust.

Building trust is the most difficult part of my work here.  Not dealing with the trauma, or all the other issues involved.  Because without trust, nothing I can offer is of value to them.

Well, I am still enamored with the view from my apartment.  It's my favorite place to enjoy my chai :)

This month there's been a bit of a switch in the focus of my work.  I've started to work more with the staff and people caring for the kids than directly with the kids.  So, I've been doing a lot of work on preparing powerpoints for training and games and lesson plans instead of working on games for one-on one therapy.

I'm still doing therapy at the transition house and a bit at the school and random individuals or families.  But I am no longer working with the kids at the orphanage directly, and I've been more focused on a new training program and helping the teachers at the school.  I think this will be a good spot for me - we'll see.  I think it will definitely be a good switch at the orphanage.  It's hard for me to build trust with the kids - they have trust issues already, plus, they have seen hundreds of Americans visit and leave breaking promises to keep in touch, and dozens of volunteers do the same over the year.  I spent more time trying to recover trust lost if I was gone for a few days than getting work done.  Plus, it's going to be a challenging and exciting year for the orphanage this year, and I'm excited to be able to focus on helping these changes go as smoothly as possible.

After nearly 5 years of working to get permits, the Children's home finally has approval to build on it's land!  It's a very exciting time.  I don't know how many acres this property is, but it's big!  Ultimately, they want to have 8 homes, but they are starting with 3 for now.  This is going to change the whole program for how everything functions.  Because, as much as they try to emulate family living, it's still currently an institution with a lot of familial elements.  The house parents are there during the days and return home to their own biological kids at night (like a regular job).  But that won't be the case at the Farm (or, La Finca, as we call the property we're building on).  The house parents will live with their families in the same homes with the kids.  The tios and tias (aunts and uncles - or younger helpers), will no longer be living in the homes in shifts with the kids.  This is going to be a huge change for everyone!!!

So my focus this year will be helping everyone get through this change - and keeping up with the training on day to day needs as well.  I don't think I'll be too bored this year.

Here are some picture I still from their website to show you La Finca!!  For the last several years, the kids have been visiting La Finca for vacations to enjoy feeling freedom to run and play more than our regular property allows.  They love it here

My New Apartment

Well, God has blessed me with an amazing new place for a great price!

I had been looking for a bit online and everything in my price range was not in a safe location or was falling apart (or both).  I found a good option and emailed my friend, Alejandra, to ask if it was a safe location.  She called and it had been rented on the first day it posted the ad.  So she asked her husband what they could do to help me and he gave her the number of a Realtor friend.

She called and told her of a good place and said it will go fast, can we visit today?  It worked out and we arrived before the realtor and were able to look around outside of the apartment building.  We loved the view and location.  Alejandra told me not too look too excited if I liked it because then we won't be able to negotiate for a better price.

When we took a tour inside I was shocked.  I was expecting awful furniture for the price and it to be run down.  It was beautiful. The view is great and all of the furniture is in good condition, clean and modern.  I even like the style and nearly all of the art decorations.

Alejandra started saying how much she loved it!  And I asked her if I was stupid to take the first apartment that I saw.

When considering location I mentioned that I would be closer to the Children's home, but further from my church.  At the name of the church the realtor asked me about it and it turns out his daughter is a student at the school there.  His mother in law was a good friend of the Pastor's wife, and if I could get a reference from them they would skip all the background check stuff for me.  Great news!

And when I went to sign the contract a few days later we discovered that the owner is a good friend of Alejandra - and they've known each other practically all their lives.  Throughout the conversations we discovered that the owner is beginning a Foundation with the same goal and mission as we were.  The difference being that the owner used to be a lawyer and is working with the public lawyers and mediators, and Alejandra and I are working with the caregivers in children's homes.  But the premise is the same.  She discovered that in order to make a difference in the overwhelming social problems, she needed to make a difference in those helping - and those helping are hurting from the same issues and are struggling to help because of their own stuff.  And Alejandra and I are working on a training program to start next month for caregivers because many haven't healed from their own traumas and are bringing their own unhealthy habits into the kids lives instead of making change and healing.

We're talking about how we can partner together.  I'm very excited to see what develops from this.

An Interesting Story

I know - you don't get updates from me for a month and now I've got 2 in one day. It's feast or famine with me!  I'm a bulimic blogger :)  (And yes, I am a therapist that just made an eating disorder joke.  I don't think 2 years working with Hospice nurses did much to curb my morbid humor).

But, I realized tonight that I have a much more interesting story to share than what I posted before.  And that last blog is probably something a lot more significant for me than for you anyways.  So, let the storytelling begin!

This morning I was told an interesting story.  For it to be understood properly, I'm going to share some back stories, but I think your patience will be worth it.

At a breakfast with friends this morning, my friend Alejandra (my translator I've mentioned before), was sharing about how the Director of the House of Hope (the women's shelter I volunteer at) ended up starting this home.  She began with how she ended up in El Salvador wanting to see how to help.  She literally was told about the country from a friend, bought a plane ticket, found a hotel, and just came to explore what it is like here.  This is not normal here.  This is not a touristy country and it makes her story all the more impressive.

She ended up finding some people that needed help, and while searching for more opportunities she was also connecting with others that were helping in orphanages - which brought her to meet a mutual acquaintance of Alejandra. A mutual friend came to Alejandra and said, "I think I found a way to provide funding for your project!"  Alejandra was introduced to the now director, a partnership was created and after a bit of a process, The House of Hope was born.  

I met Alejandra the day after her first visit to meet the young woman that filled the home.  Her description and enthusiasm for the home led me to share that I'm a therapist just moving to El Salvador to volunteer where needed and she set up with the director for a chance for me to start working with the girls about a month after the home was started.

Alejandra's story-

About 10 years ago, Alejandra was wanting to start an orphanage.  A lot of things came together but there was always a shortage of funding.  But they had found the property, permits, government approvals.  All the plans were set up and they even had potential workers.  One of the people  Alejandra worked with to organize this home was Rosemarie Rivas.  Rosemarie is the mom of the family that I used to stay with every year when I would visit.  They are my second family.  And Rosemarie began sharing with me the dreams of this home.  And I started dreaming about how I would like to live in El Salvador and be a part of this.  I didn't have much to qualify me as a great asset to help - but there's never a shortage of need and I was sure I could be of some use!  But, it never worked out for me.  Every time I considered (or attempted) to find a way to move here, something came up to prevent me.  

When I heard that all the plans with the home fell apart, I was saddened, but still hoped that someday this home could exist that was designed to emulate a family rather than an institution to help the kids grow up in a real home.

Imagine my shock today when I discovered that the home I dreamed about helping build 10 years ago is the same one I've been working at for a year!  Such a gift.  It has been a joy to work in this home all year - but now it seems even more special.

Going Home for Christmas!

I'm excited to spend Christmas with my family in California this year!  I have so much to be grateful for this year. 

One thing I'm thrilled about is that on my last trip home there was a small problem with one of my planes and they gave me a $400 voucher for volunteering for the next flight.  It's lovely that a 3 hour delay was able to provide for me to take this extra trip home :)

I'm grateful for being surrounded by wonderful, caring people here in El Salvador.  I've been reminded of that as I've had car problems this month and I have had many people gladly helping me out.

I'm grateful that I get to meet a new girl that came to the women's shelter yesterday.

I'm grateful that there are people here who trust me enough to be a part of the amazing work being done at the orphanage and women's shelter.  I'm still learning spanish and the nuances of the culture and this is a whole new population in which to practice therapy.  And I've been handed a lot of responsibility and trust in order to be involved as I am.

I'm grateful that I am appreciated where I'm volunteering.  At the school, orphanage, women's shelter and individuals I'm counseling - I'm always being thanked and reminded of how much they appreciate my help.   It certainly helps me keep perspective on the tough days.

I'm grateful for my garden and that I haven't killed it!  I love that it includes plants I couldn't have in the states and helps me relax after tough days of therapy.

I'm grateful that when I email and call people in the states, they almost always make time for me.  I know that long distance is hard and time is valuable - and I really appreciate this!

I'm grateful that I have a supportive and understanding family even when I do crazy things like move to El Salvador.

I'm grateful for the family I live with in El Salvador, that they put up with my and my crazy Gringa ways :)

I'm grateful that I have so much to appreciate that I know this list is much shorter than what it should be.

And most of all, I'm grateful for a loving God who is in control of all and that (usually) prevents me from messing everything up!

Cry for help

                I've been in El Salvador for a year now.  My savings can only keep me here for another 6 months, but I am sure the need for the work I'm doing here can last for a lifetime.  So, I'm writing with hopes that I can find people that want to join me and help support this work.

If you want to skip all the details of the work I'm doing here and jump straight to the ways to help, here you go:

                1) Financially - I need a minimum of $800 month to be able to survive long term here (there's a link to paypal at the top right for a tax deductable donation.  Or you can go to this link for an address and instructions: http://www.marketplacemissions.net/page/tiffany_lewis)

                2) Join a team to come volunteer - email me tiffanymlewis@gmail    .com if interested in coming or help support someone else who is interested

                3) Pray - I need a lot of prayer to survive this craziness!!  So do the kids and families that I work with and the other people working with me

There have been a lot of amazing opportunities become available to me lately, and I am thrilled about them. As a therapist, I specialize in grief and trauma, and these are two themes that touch at least 90% of the population and the needs and opportunities to help seem endless! (See the previous blog of "The needs and problems plaguing El Salvador" for further details)

  

             My first several months here I added teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) at my church's elementary school to the therapy work I was doing.  It worked well, even though it was exhausting.  I was happy to help in a needed way while I was still establishing my work as a therapist and had extra time.  Now, I have been a little bit more protective of my time as the work has found me, and I have to be selective!  

                I've been working at a children's home part time.  There are 28 kids from 5-17 years old that have been placed there by the government.  They have been abandoned, neglected or physically abused and all have been sexually abused.  In a country where 7 out of 10 homes have physical violence, these cases are severe enough that the government has seen fit to step in and take action.  This home is unique in the country because it is the only one that works with the families of the children too.  It's been a great privilege to work with the families to help them heal and build healthy relationships.  Just this weekend, one of the mothers shared of the abuse she received growing up.  We were able to talk about how she can change how she treats her son and worked on simple ways she could make this happen, starting with saying kind words.  This is a new concept!

                I also spend several hours a week at a Transitional home for women.  A transitional home is set up to receive kids when they turn 18 and are removed from the government housing.  Their choices are typically to live on the street, join a gang or return to their abusive homes.  So there have been transitional homes created to help these young adults learn trades and survive without resorting to these options.  I will admit that these young women are the highlight of my week.  They are a therapist's dream client as they are all motivated to learn and grow and are working hard to heal from their traumas and live in a new ways.  It's an honor that they have allowed me to be part of this journey.

                I'm also spending a day a week at the school.  I help some with English, some with projects for the teachers and I have also started doing therapy with the children and their families.  In my spare time I have clients from my church and others that have been referred to me. 

                I'm working on a new project.  There is a clear lack in training for the caregivers in these children's and transition homes.  Starting this February, I'm partnering with my translator and several children's home to begin a training program for the caregivers.  I've seen people with great intentions and hearts for the kids unintentionally cause a lot of damage and hurt by continuing unhealthy patterns.  Sometimes it is because they have a similar background and are living with the same unhealthy patterns or they are accidently letting the kids pull them into the cycles.  My partner and translator who has dreamed of this, has great hopes.  She knows the need and has seen the change we have made on the one transition home we have worked in.  She believes that we can impact these caregivers and homes in such a way that the government will notice and implement our trainings nation wide.  She's dreaming big, and I am still concentrating on creating the materials for the first one!

                There are also plans for a therapist team to come out this summer.  I am hopeful to see the impact a group can make.  The plan is to utilize the team with the families of the children we work with, trainings for caregivers, and support for the medical teams that will be here.  And selfishly, I'm excited about gaining knowledge and insight from others in the profession who have expertise in different areas!

I know I've written a lot, but this is just a small glimpse into my work here.  I would love it if you could support me and be a part of this work too!

The needs and problems plaguing El Salvador

This year has been a huge learning curve for me!  In order to be more effective as a therapist, I've spent a lot of time learning about the history of El Salvador and the social problems plaguing the country.  And it is a lot.

When I first started working with the kids here, I noticed that they were not just dealing with their traumas, but that it appeared that they had learned behaviors from their families for how to survive.  Their parents, who grew up in the civil war (1979-1992),  and learned how to be adults and how to live during this time.  They taught their kids how to live as trauma survivors and have passed down these behaviors.  This has led me to reading all about the physical traits passed down genetically from trauma survivors which I have found quite illuminating in the struggles that these kids live under.

The war created a culture of suspicion.  There is no trust.  (This is also an attribute of trauma survivors). 

Lack of education, nutrition and growing up under abuse and trauma have changed brain development in the poor areas of the country.  This has left a lot of the population without the capacity to think about possible solutions and changes to their lives.  Helping and healing is slow because you have to teach and build the basic resources needed for this process.  And I have had to learn how to teach these skills at a basic level I did not even realize had to be taught.

People do not share that they have been raped because it is expected.  "Why would you complain, that happens to everyone?" is a normal response.

Here is information I've excerpted from a press release from Unicef last month:

"child malnutrition still affects more than 20% of children.

One of the biggest challenges that the new government should take is the right to comprehensive protection , which has been hit hard as a result of the culture of violence affecting children and adolescents in the country. A recent report by UNICEF at mundial1 El Salvador ranks ahead of countries with higher homicide rates against children and adolescents aged 0 to 19 in the world , with 27 deaths per 100,000 inhabitants, followed by Guatemala ( 22 ) and Venezuela ( 20 ) . homicide is also the leading cause of death among adolescent boys. Furthermore, estimated that 43 percent of sixth grade students have experienced some form of bullying (theft , insults, threats or physical aggression ) and that 16 percent have been physically assaulted in their schools.

Nearly 94 % of sexual assaults were committed against girls and adolescents and 7 out of 10 children and adolescents suffer from some form of violence at home.  Furthermore, in El Salvador , 33 percent of adolescents between 15 and 19 years report having experienced physical , sexual or emotional violence by their parents, And each hour three teenagers give birth .

In urban areas , 47 percent of teens enrolled in school, whereas in rural areas barely 27% . Some obstacles to

guarantee of this right are insecurity , gaps in infrastructure , low teaching quality , low consideration of the relevance of education and lack of family income."

UNICEF has done a lot in the country to attempt to help with child protection.  Unfortunately, some of  the implementation of their protections have backfired.  A few years ago, the laws regarding child protection were completely changed.  At the core, the message was that each child has a right to be with their families and that the best place for a child was with their natural family.

In theory that is awesome.  In practice, there are great discrepancies.  Children have been removed from institutions and placed back with their abusive families.  There are examples of babies being thrown in the trash by a mother and then given back to the same mother 3 months later, and the baby dies.  I've seen the damage of this with kids I work with.  One child has been court ordered to visit her home every other weekend (with the goal that she will move back when her mom is more stable to take her).  This child spends the weeks in fear of the abuse she will receive on the weekends.  And also hates the orphanage that keeps her safe because she does not understand they do not have a choice in her not visiting her abusive home.  It is heartbreaking.

But where there is great need, there are great opportunities to help!

I got my visa!

Exciting news!  I received my visa this week.  And. . .almost as exciting, we have internet in my house again!  Ok, not quite equal footing, but both are lovely.  (kind of makes me think of the facebook post I saw last week about analogies that actual high schoolers have used, including this one: "The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM."

After 10 months of gathering documents and going through a bit of a torturous process, I got a 1 year residency visa. Thanks to all who I asked for favors and helped me out in this!!!

Establishing that I have permission to stay here longer is helpful in planning for the future in my therapy work.  It not only helps in the orphanage, womens shelter and school, but also a new project i'm starting that will be a training conference for care-givers for other childrens homes.  I'm a bit overwhelmed with how to settle my ideas now that they are free to roam!!!

a true gift

This month has been an interesting one.  I've faced a lot (and I mean a LOT) of new challenges this month.  But I've also been a part of some amazing changes too.

Yesterday, I was at the women's shelter, and I am constantly in awe of how these young women are changing and growing.  It has been an honor to be able to walk beside them as they grow and heal.  They are facing their fears (which I can't share any because, besides breaking confidentiality, some of those are real and pose real threats to their safety) with a bravery that I've rarely seen.  These women are not the same women I met a year ago.  They have been fighting to no longer be held hostage to their fears and abuse, and it is amazing to see.

I am so blessed that they have allowed me an honest glimpse of their journey.

The gecko incident

This is too good not to share!!!  I've been giggling over the memory for the the past 3 days.  I only wish I had the great story telling abilities that Kramer, Newman and Seinfeld had as they shared about the Magic Loogi.

So we're all watching TV, and a gecko is on the ceiling chasing after a moth.  This was unusual because 1) normally the geckos stay within 6 inches of the windows to capture food or run from another gecko it's fighting with 2) They tend to stay on the walls instead of the ceiling - i might see one on the ceiling once every other month but still near the walls and near corners 3) normally they eat small bugs like gnats and mosquitos (yay!!!)

To set the scene:  There are 4 of us, me, Roxana, Michele & Freddy.  Michele and Fredy are on the couch, and Roxana is in a chair to the left of the couch and I am in a chair to  the right of the couch.  The gecko is spotted on the ceiling first in the middle of the room near the light but really runs about on the whole ceiling.  We spent a couple minutes watching this adventure.  At some point Michele asked if it would fall and Roxana said that geckos can't fall.

Then the moth landed on the ceiling beam above Michele's seat.  The gecko slowly made it's way over and Fredy returned to watching TV but the rest of us girls watched intently.  I couldn't wait to see if this little gecko would really eat this moth!  After it got about 2 inches away, it made it's move and ate it instantly!  I was so excited!  And then about 2 seconds later it fell!!!!

I see it flying over Michele and from my angle I can't see where it hit her, but I assume her arm because next Michele is yelling and flings her arm to the left towards Fredy.  Then Fredy starts yelling and she's checking his head.  I assume the gecko has been flung on his head but then he starts swatting at his stomach and I am searching to find where this gecko has ended up!!!!

Turns out, the gecko never hit Michele.  It hit the floor just to the right of the couch.  We couldn't find it and I checked for blood so I assumed it was ok since it disappeared so quickly and there was no blood on the floor. But it fell 8 feet!!! Michele yelled in fright and Fredy yelled because Michele's hot tea was spilt all on his stomach.  I think he might still be angry about this.  But the rest of us are still laughing!!!

About 30 minutes later the gecko made a return appearance on the ceiling and I was relieved to know that all is well :)

Watching geckos is my favorite!

overdue update

Hello, my long lost friends!

So, I've offically hit the 2 month gap for updating here.

April was both great and terrible.  I spent a lot of the month not feeling well.  My back was quite angry at me for the months of chiropractic neglect (especially after a 20 hour bus ride to costa rica each way).  I got desperate and took a chance on a chiropractor here (something that terrified me), but he's actually pretty great.  He studied in the states, which helped me get over my fear of finding a chiropractor here.  And I also got a terrible cold that kept me in bed for a few days.

We had semana santa in April and so it was a week of vacation and I went on a trip to the eastern part of the country for a couple days.  I went with the families of 2 of the teachers from the school where I teach english.  It was wonderful and relaxing (and then I spent the rest of my vacation week in bed sick).

And I after I recovered from being sick, I ended up with crisis after crisis at the orphanage and women's shelter.  And with only a month left of school, the kids have been crazy too.  I've done more disciplining than teaching several days this month!  That's made May crazy too.  It settled down a bit last week and this week has been calm so far (busy, but calm).  I've also had some exciting progress going on to.  The most exciting and significant is that I've been a part of creating a new therapy program at the orphanage.  There's been some processes adapted that have made the program less effective than it could be, so everyone was frustrated and wanting change - but not telling anyone they thought so.  As a newcomer learning about the program, I had the same frustrations and when asking everyone how they thought the program was, discovered every single person didn't like how it was set up, but all thought everyone else needed it that way.  So. . .we're changing that now!  We've developed a new program and have started implimenting it.  And though I know everyone wants change - it doesn't mean it's easy.  So, my next project there is to work on making the implementation go smoothly.  Easy, right?

That's my update.  I've been exhausted - both good and bad.  And I'm not quite ready to realize I only have 6 weeks left here.

Picture Day!

I started taking pictures around the city just to give an idea of what it looks like around where i live.  But first, here's a picture of the pineapple tree i bought today!!!  (only $5)

I live near the San Salvador volcano.  It's perfect to use for directions to know if i'm driving in the right direction and going towards or away from my house!  The first picture is about 3 blocks from my house

I took several pics from my car driving through the city.  My windows are tinted, so some will look hazier than others

and last week i had a day off and wasnt far from this beautiful place.  It's the dry season, but you can imagine how beautiful it looks when everything is green.  This is about an hour from where i live.  it's called la Puerta del Diable (the devil's gate)  It's named from a legend about an evil man who escaped into these mountains

Costa Rica

Well, I've had a busy couple of weeks.
A couple of weeks ago I had a busy week trying to prepare everything before going to Costa Rica and also trying to do some fun legal stuff for living here for the year.  In addition, the director from the women's shelter I volunteer at was here with a group for the week.  A lot of great experiences, but I started my week into going to Costa Rica tired.

My permission to stay in El Salvador is as a tourist for 90 days.  So, every 90 days I have to leave the country in order to re-enter and get another 90 days.  Unfortunately this is complicated because there is an agreement between the countries surrounding El Salvador.  Guatemala, Honduras & Nicoragua have an agreement that a tourist visa for one of the 4 countries is good for all of them.  So I can use my tourist visa to go to Guatemala without having to pay for a new visa and without having to pay again upon returning.  I love this.  But unfortuntaley, if I want to renew my 90 days, i have to travel far to leave all 4 countries to return for a new 90 day visit.  So, I took an 18 hour bus ride to Costa Rica.  It leaves at 3 am and arrives at 10pm give or take an hour.

We arrived in San Jose, the capital of Costa Rica and stayed with a family there (they work with the church here in El Salvador and I have met them a couple times over the past several years).  We spent a day enjoying the city, the downtown market, and then the following day took a 4 hour bus ride to La Fortuna.  La Fortuna is a tourist town that is built on the side of the volcano Arenal.  Arenal is the 2nd most active volcano in the world.  On a clear night, you can see the lava flowing from the volcano and it sounds like thunder.  Here's a picture of our hostel next to the volcano (the volcano is covered by a lot of clouds, but it directly straight from the road) and the volcano from the hike we took:

And after the hike we enjoyed the hot springs that are the best benefit ever from being near an active volcano!  We tried to capture the picture of the waterfall behind us. . .but there wasn't quite enough light to get a good picture

We enjoyed the cute little tourist town

Then we enjoyed another day in San Jose before heading back (on another long bus ride).  Costa Rica is known for its protection and value of it's land.  I loved that in Downtown San Jose, even the paintings on the wall showed this value as the elephants recycle :)

I had a great trip, but I was glad to be back in my bed after a long bus ride (which the man behind me kept kicking my seat so i couldn't sleep) and my chair was broken, and i was in a terrible position to see the TV for the movies playing.  Those factors certainly make 18 hours feel a lot longer!!  But after a shower and a good nights sleep, i'm feeling much better.  

Well, time to get ready and head out to the women's shelter!