An Interesting Story

I know - you don't get updates from me for a month and now I've got 2 in one day. It's feast or famine with me!  I'm a bulimic blogger :)  (And yes, I am a therapist that just made an eating disorder joke.  I don't think 2 years working with Hospice nurses did much to curb my morbid humor).

But, I realized tonight that I have a much more interesting story to share than what I posted before.  And that last blog is probably something a lot more significant for me than for you anyways.  So, let the storytelling begin!

This morning I was told an interesting story.  For it to be understood properly, I'm going to share some back stories, but I think your patience will be worth it.

At a breakfast with friends this morning, my friend Alejandra (my translator I've mentioned before), was sharing about how the Director of the House of Hope (the women's shelter I volunteer at) ended up starting this home.  She began with how she ended up in El Salvador wanting to see how to help.  She literally was told about the country from a friend, bought a plane ticket, found a hotel, and just came to explore what it is like here.  This is not normal here.  This is not a touristy country and it makes her story all the more impressive.

She ended up finding some people that needed help, and while searching for more opportunities she was also connecting with others that were helping in orphanages - which brought her to meet a mutual acquaintance of Alejandra. A mutual friend came to Alejandra and said, "I think I found a way to provide funding for your project!"  Alejandra was introduced to the now director, a partnership was created and after a bit of a process, The House of Hope was born.  

I met Alejandra the day after her first visit to meet the young woman that filled the home.  Her description and enthusiasm for the home led me to share that I'm a therapist just moving to El Salvador to volunteer where needed and she set up with the director for a chance for me to start working with the girls about a month after the home was started.

Alejandra's story-

About 10 years ago, Alejandra was wanting to start an orphanage.  A lot of things came together but there was always a shortage of funding.  But they had found the property, permits, government approvals.  All the plans were set up and they even had potential workers.  One of the people  Alejandra worked with to organize this home was Rosemarie Rivas.  Rosemarie is the mom of the family that I used to stay with every year when I would visit.  They are my second family.  And Rosemarie began sharing with me the dreams of this home.  And I started dreaming about how I would like to live in El Salvador and be a part of this.  I didn't have much to qualify me as a great asset to help - but there's never a shortage of need and I was sure I could be of some use!  But, it never worked out for me.  Every time I considered (or attempted) to find a way to move here, something came up to prevent me.  

When I heard that all the plans with the home fell apart, I was saddened, but still hoped that someday this home could exist that was designed to emulate a family rather than an institution to help the kids grow up in a real home.

Imagine my shock today when I discovered that the home I dreamed about helping build 10 years ago is the same one I've been working at for a year!  Such a gift.  It has been a joy to work in this home all year - but now it seems even more special.

Going Home for Christmas!

I'm excited to spend Christmas with my family in California this year!  I have so much to be grateful for this year. 

One thing I'm thrilled about is that on my last trip home there was a small problem with one of my planes and they gave me a $400 voucher for volunteering for the next flight.  It's lovely that a 3 hour delay was able to provide for me to take this extra trip home :)

I'm grateful for being surrounded by wonderful, caring people here in El Salvador.  I've been reminded of that as I've had car problems this month and I have had many people gladly helping me out.

I'm grateful that I get to meet a new girl that came to the women's shelter yesterday.

I'm grateful that there are people here who trust me enough to be a part of the amazing work being done at the orphanage and women's shelter.  I'm still learning spanish and the nuances of the culture and this is a whole new population in which to practice therapy.  And I've been handed a lot of responsibility and trust in order to be involved as I am.

I'm grateful that I am appreciated where I'm volunteering.  At the school, orphanage, women's shelter and individuals I'm counseling - I'm always being thanked and reminded of how much they appreciate my help.   It certainly helps me keep perspective on the tough days.

I'm grateful for my garden and that I haven't killed it!  I love that it includes plants I couldn't have in the states and helps me relax after tough days of therapy.

I'm grateful that when I email and call people in the states, they almost always make time for me.  I know that long distance is hard and time is valuable - and I really appreciate this!

I'm grateful that I have a supportive and understanding family even when I do crazy things like move to El Salvador.

I'm grateful for the family I live with in El Salvador, that they put up with my and my crazy Gringa ways :)

I'm grateful that I have so much to appreciate that I know this list is much shorter than what it should be.

And most of all, I'm grateful for a loving God who is in control of all and that (usually) prevents me from messing everything up!

Cry for help

                I've been in El Salvador for a year now.  My savings can only keep me here for another 6 months, but I am sure the need for the work I'm doing here can last for a lifetime.  So, I'm writing with hopes that I can find people that want to join me and help support this work.

If you want to skip all the details of the work I'm doing here and jump straight to the ways to help, here you go:

                1) Financially - I need a minimum of $800 month to be able to survive long term here (there's a link to paypal at the top right for a tax deductable donation.  Or you can go to this link for an address and instructions: http://www.marketplacemissions.net/page/tiffany_lewis)

                2) Join a team to come volunteer - email me tiffanymlewis@gmail    .com if interested in coming or help support someone else who is interested

                3) Pray - I need a lot of prayer to survive this craziness!!  So do the kids and families that I work with and the other people working with me

There have been a lot of amazing opportunities become available to me lately, and I am thrilled about them. As a therapist, I specialize in grief and trauma, and these are two themes that touch at least 90% of the population and the needs and opportunities to help seem endless! (See the previous blog of "The needs and problems plaguing El Salvador" for further details)

  

             My first several months here I added teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) at my church's elementary school to the therapy work I was doing.  It worked well, even though it was exhausting.  I was happy to help in a needed way while I was still establishing my work as a therapist and had extra time.  Now, I have been a little bit more protective of my time as the work has found me, and I have to be selective!  

                I've been working at a children's home part time.  There are 28 kids from 5-17 years old that have been placed there by the government.  They have been abandoned, neglected or physically abused and all have been sexually abused.  In a country where 7 out of 10 homes have physical violence, these cases are severe enough that the government has seen fit to step in and take action.  This home is unique in the country because it is the only one that works with the families of the children too.  It's been a great privilege to work with the families to help them heal and build healthy relationships.  Just this weekend, one of the mothers shared of the abuse she received growing up.  We were able to talk about how she can change how she treats her son and worked on simple ways she could make this happen, starting with saying kind words.  This is a new concept!

                I also spend several hours a week at a Transitional home for women.  A transitional home is set up to receive kids when they turn 18 and are removed from the government housing.  Their choices are typically to live on the street, join a gang or return to their abusive homes.  So there have been transitional homes created to help these young adults learn trades and survive without resorting to these options.  I will admit that these young women are the highlight of my week.  They are a therapist's dream client as they are all motivated to learn and grow and are working hard to heal from their traumas and live in a new ways.  It's an honor that they have allowed me to be part of this journey.

                I'm also spending a day a week at the school.  I help some with English, some with projects for the teachers and I have also started doing therapy with the children and their families.  In my spare time I have clients from my church and others that have been referred to me. 

                I'm working on a new project.  There is a clear lack in training for the caregivers in these children's and transition homes.  Starting this February, I'm partnering with my translator and several children's home to begin a training program for the caregivers.  I've seen people with great intentions and hearts for the kids unintentionally cause a lot of damage and hurt by continuing unhealthy patterns.  Sometimes it is because they have a similar background and are living with the same unhealthy patterns or they are accidently letting the kids pull them into the cycles.  My partner and translator who has dreamed of this, has great hopes.  She knows the need and has seen the change we have made on the one transition home we have worked in.  She believes that we can impact these caregivers and homes in such a way that the government will notice and implement our trainings nation wide.  She's dreaming big, and I am still concentrating on creating the materials for the first one!

                There are also plans for a therapist team to come out this summer.  I am hopeful to see the impact a group can make.  The plan is to utilize the team with the families of the children we work with, trainings for caregivers, and support for the medical teams that will be here.  And selfishly, I'm excited about gaining knowledge and insight from others in the profession who have expertise in different areas!

I know I've written a lot, but this is just a small glimpse into my work here.  I would love it if you could support me and be a part of this work too!

The needs and problems plaguing El Salvador

This year has been a huge learning curve for me!  In order to be more effective as a therapist, I've spent a lot of time learning about the history of El Salvador and the social problems plaguing the country.  And it is a lot.

When I first started working with the kids here, I noticed that they were not just dealing with their traumas, but that it appeared that they had learned behaviors from their families for how to survive.  Their parents, who grew up in the civil war (1979-1992),  and learned how to be adults and how to live during this time.  They taught their kids how to live as trauma survivors and have passed down these behaviors.  This has led me to reading all about the physical traits passed down genetically from trauma survivors which I have found quite illuminating in the struggles that these kids live under.

The war created a culture of suspicion.  There is no trust.  (This is also an attribute of trauma survivors). 

Lack of education, nutrition and growing up under abuse and trauma have changed brain development in the poor areas of the country.  This has left a lot of the population without the capacity to think about possible solutions and changes to their lives.  Helping and healing is slow because you have to teach and build the basic resources needed for this process.  And I have had to learn how to teach these skills at a basic level I did not even realize had to be taught.

People do not share that they have been raped because it is expected.  "Why would you complain, that happens to everyone?" is a normal response.

Here is information I've excerpted from a press release from Unicef last month:

"child malnutrition still affects more than 20% of children.

One of the biggest challenges that the new government should take is the right to comprehensive protection , which has been hit hard as a result of the culture of violence affecting children and adolescents in the country. A recent report by UNICEF at mundial1 El Salvador ranks ahead of countries with higher homicide rates against children and adolescents aged 0 to 19 in the world , with 27 deaths per 100,000 inhabitants, followed by Guatemala ( 22 ) and Venezuela ( 20 ) . homicide is also the leading cause of death among adolescent boys. Furthermore, estimated that 43 percent of sixth grade students have experienced some form of bullying (theft , insults, threats or physical aggression ) and that 16 percent have been physically assaulted in their schools.

Nearly 94 % of sexual assaults were committed against girls and adolescents and 7 out of 10 children and adolescents suffer from some form of violence at home.  Furthermore, in El Salvador , 33 percent of adolescents between 15 and 19 years report having experienced physical , sexual or emotional violence by their parents, And each hour three teenagers give birth .

In urban areas , 47 percent of teens enrolled in school, whereas in rural areas barely 27% . Some obstacles to

guarantee of this right are insecurity , gaps in infrastructure , low teaching quality , low consideration of the relevance of education and lack of family income."

UNICEF has done a lot in the country to attempt to help with child protection.  Unfortunately, some of  the implementation of their protections have backfired.  A few years ago, the laws regarding child protection were completely changed.  At the core, the message was that each child has a right to be with their families and that the best place for a child was with their natural family.

In theory that is awesome.  In practice, there are great discrepancies.  Children have been removed from institutions and placed back with their abusive families.  There are examples of babies being thrown in the trash by a mother and then given back to the same mother 3 months later, and the baby dies.  I've seen the damage of this with kids I work with.  One child has been court ordered to visit her home every other weekend (with the goal that she will move back when her mom is more stable to take her).  This child spends the weeks in fear of the abuse she will receive on the weekends.  And also hates the orphanage that keeps her safe because she does not understand they do not have a choice in her not visiting her abusive home.  It is heartbreaking.

But where there is great need, there are great opportunities to help!

I got my visa!

Exciting news!  I received my visa this week.  And. . .almost as exciting, we have internet in my house again!  Ok, not quite equal footing, but both are lovely.  (kind of makes me think of the facebook post I saw last week about analogies that actual high schoolers have used, including this one: "The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM."

After 10 months of gathering documents and going through a bit of a torturous process, I got a 1 year residency visa. Thanks to all who I asked for favors and helped me out in this!!!

Establishing that I have permission to stay here longer is helpful in planning for the future in my therapy work.  It not only helps in the orphanage, womens shelter and school, but also a new project i'm starting that will be a training conference for care-givers for other childrens homes.  I'm a bit overwhelmed with how to settle my ideas now that they are free to roam!!!

a true gift

This month has been an interesting one.  I've faced a lot (and I mean a LOT) of new challenges this month.  But I've also been a part of some amazing changes too.

Yesterday, I was at the women's shelter, and I am constantly in awe of how these young women are changing and growing.  It has been an honor to be able to walk beside them as they grow and heal.  They are facing their fears (which I can't share any because, besides breaking confidentiality, some of those are real and pose real threats to their safety) with a bravery that I've rarely seen.  These women are not the same women I met a year ago.  They have been fighting to no longer be held hostage to their fears and abuse, and it is amazing to see.

I am so blessed that they have allowed me an honest glimpse of their journey.

The gecko incident

This is too good not to share!!!  I've been giggling over the memory for the the past 3 days.  I only wish I had the great story telling abilities that Kramer, Newman and Seinfeld had as they shared about the Magic Loogi.

So we're all watching TV, and a gecko is on the ceiling chasing after a moth.  This was unusual because 1) normally the geckos stay within 6 inches of the windows to capture food or run from another gecko it's fighting with 2) They tend to stay on the walls instead of the ceiling - i might see one on the ceiling once every other month but still near the walls and near corners 3) normally they eat small bugs like gnats and mosquitos (yay!!!)

To set the scene:  There are 4 of us, me, Roxana, Michele & Freddy.  Michele and Fredy are on the couch, and Roxana is in a chair to the left of the couch and I am in a chair to  the right of the couch.  The gecko is spotted on the ceiling first in the middle of the room near the light but really runs about on the whole ceiling.  We spent a couple minutes watching this adventure.  At some point Michele asked if it would fall and Roxana said that geckos can't fall.

Then the moth landed on the ceiling beam above Michele's seat.  The gecko slowly made it's way over and Fredy returned to watching TV but the rest of us girls watched intently.  I couldn't wait to see if this little gecko would really eat this moth!  After it got about 2 inches away, it made it's move and ate it instantly!  I was so excited!  And then about 2 seconds later it fell!!!!

I see it flying over Michele and from my angle I can't see where it hit her, but I assume her arm because next Michele is yelling and flings her arm to the left towards Fredy.  Then Fredy starts yelling and she's checking his head.  I assume the gecko has been flung on his head but then he starts swatting at his stomach and I am searching to find where this gecko has ended up!!!!

Turns out, the gecko never hit Michele.  It hit the floor just to the right of the couch.  We couldn't find it and I checked for blood so I assumed it was ok since it disappeared so quickly and there was no blood on the floor. But it fell 8 feet!!! Michele yelled in fright and Fredy yelled because Michele's hot tea was spilt all on his stomach.  I think he might still be angry about this.  But the rest of us are still laughing!!!

About 30 minutes later the gecko made a return appearance on the ceiling and I was relieved to know that all is well :)

Watching geckos is my favorite!